


Forward

by SilentNightingale22



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, brotp levi and historia, but can be viewed any way you see fit, featuring the orphanage, levi and historia talking about their lost loves, levi ruffling a child's hair, strong feels by the end, the children love levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 05:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19100965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentNightingale22/pseuds/SilentNightingale22
Summary: After the Battle of Shiganshina, Levi makes a decision to visit the orphanage to clear his thoughts. There, he finds solace in the company of Historia, whom he finds out is similar to him in more ways than one.





	Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caesar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesar/gifts).



> This is for Jay, who's always been there to listen to my fangirling and ramblings, and who's also such an amazing person and fic writer. I appreciate you so much, Jay. Love you!

On the horizon, the setting sun blazed like fire.

Levi leaned against the fence bordering the orphanage’s property, arms crossed against his chest in calmness. The wind carried the children’s laughter from the distance behind him, and although he didn’t like obnoxious noises, hearing the joy in the brats’ voices gave him a sense of peacefulness, as short as it would last.

Focusing his eyes forward, he observed the colors of the sky around the sunset. The brightness made him squint against the glare, but he couldn’t look away from the beauty it emanated. He could see the orange colliding with the blue, and he could make out streaks of light breaking through the clouds. Across the field, it cast shadows all around; the first signs of twilight.

It was rare for him to appreciate moments like this. In central HQ, it was grueling work, back in pain having to sit on a shitty chair for most of the day. His head would ache from all the paperwork and he couldn’t stand the meals cooked in the mess hall. The walls were cramped and dreary, and the air tasted of stench. It reminded him too much of what it was like when the Survey Corps had its handful of members.

But here, it was peaceful. Here, within the confines of the orphanage, it was warm and inviting. The halls would smell of Historia’s homemade meals, and the sound of the children’s excited voices were a stark contrast to HQ’s stiff atmosphere. Outside, the air was fresh and sweet; the wind clean and cool. When he agreed to check and stay in at the orphanage to see how things were going, he didn’t expect it to be so tranquil, and he most definitely didn’t expect the children’s fondness for him.

“Captain Levi!”

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he hears little Leon’s feet running against the grass towards him. He turns just in time to see Jack in tow, Historia catching up behind them.

“Captain Levi, what are doing?” Leon asks as he stops by the fence, eyes beaming up at him in curiosity.

“Hey kid,” Levi spoke, reaching down to ruffle the child’s hair. “Just have a lot to think about.”

“About what?” the boy questioned with confusion, looking up from Levi’s hand.

He couldn’t give him the exact answer to that, so he was thankful when Historia yelled “Leon!”

Slightly out of breath and panting, the queen jogged toward the both of them. Judging by the hold she had on Jack, it was evident she caught up to him before he could reach his friend. Her hair was slightly unkempt, and sweat was forming on her forehead. “Leon, what did I tell you about disturbing Captain Levi?”

“But he looked bored, ‘storia! I’m sure he wouldn’t be if he played with us!” Leon exclaimed loudly.

“Now, now,” Historia chided, a tone Levi was familiar with when the kids were particularly misbehaving. “I’m sure Captain Levi is just tired and trying to relax. How about you two go on ahead back and clean yourselves up to prepare for dinner?”

“But ‘storia!” Jack protested.

“No buts, Jack. It will be dark soon. The others are probably already looking for you two,” Historia said. “Tell you what; if you promise me to do what I told you to, I’ll cook both of your favorite meals for dinner.”

“Really?!” Leon shouted in excitement.

“Really.” replied Historia, a smile of success forming on her face.

“Yay!” the two boys exclaimed, coming around to hug her. Jack told her she was the best as he pulled away, and together with Leon raced back to the orphanage.

Historia sighed as she straightened up; though Levi noticed she still had her smile plastered across her features.

“You look like shit.” he commented when she turned towards him.

Historia rolled her eyes. “Very flattering, captain, thank you.” she replied, ducking under the fence. Her feet stumbled as she got over, to his hidden amusement. “They’re really fond of you, you know.”

Levi shifted to give her space as she moved to stand beside him. “When I first came here, I didn’t expect them to.”

“Believe me when I say I thought so too.” Historia replied cheekily.

“Oh, I believe you.” he agreed.

Historia hummed in appreciation as she faced the sunset, her smile never fading. The sound of the wind filled the silence that ensued between them, their breaths slow and steady.

It was also moments like this that Levi could appreciate Historia’s presence. Ever since they worked together to form the orphanage, their bond seemed to strengthen; solid but never intrusive. The silence they had wasn’t the kind that was stiff or awkward, and unlike her comrades, Historia never felt the need to make conversation to which he highly appreciated. Instead, her company was warm and comforting. The one that made you appreciate the stillness of it all.

When she approached him about her idea of setting up the orphanage, he had thought she had lost all trust in him after he forced her to accept the role of becoming queen. He didn’t expect that she would ask for his help, thinking Hange or even Erwin would’ve been a better option considering their position. But Historia justified that he knew more than anyone else what it felt to live a difficult life alone; that he could give a convincing argument to the higher-ups about the state of the children in the underground city. When the day came for them to present their plan, Historia was the one who spoke more and with conviction, only offering his own points when he deemed necessary. He knew that she would succeed without his help anyway, and the passion impressed him in her arguments when she proposed the plan. It occurred to him then just how far she was from the timid girl he knew not so long ago. When the plan was approved, Historia left the room beaming, and he offered her a supporting congratulations, something he didn’t give freely to just anyone.

“I wanted to thank you for helping me, captain. I never really got to before.” Historia said, shaking him out of his thoughts. “The kids are so happy here. When I first found them they all looked so sad but now…” she paused, her smile growing impossibly wider. “Now they’re so different, so lively.”

“I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t come up with the idea in the first place. You did good.” he told her, holding her look genuinely to show he means it.

A faint blush crept up to her cheeks. Even now she still wasn’t used to accepting compliments, but getting one from the Captain was rare. “Thanks.” she replied, looking down at her feet.

Just as her smile had quickly grown, it suddenly disappeared. 

“Can I tell you something, Captain?”

Levi sensed what she was about to say wasn’t good, and chose his tone carefully. “What is it?”

Historia went quiet for a while, but when she looked up at him again, he only saw sadness. “I miss Ymir sometimes.”

Levi fell silent. He was shit at comforting people, but he could empathize with her missing a loved one. As he tried to prepare words of comfort to her though, she spoke again.

“If she was here, I’m sure she would’ve spoiled the kids. Maybe even have been a bad influence to them, but they’d have fun all the same.” she said, a sad smile forming on her lips.

“She was really special to you. I can tell.” Levi replied.

Historia nodded. “Everything that led up to me becoming queen all happened so fast and even now I’m still trying to process all of it, but if I hadn’t remembered her words back in the cave, I probably would’ve lost myself again. I still remember her leaving like it was yesterday.”

This time Levi doesn’t reply, but Historia knows he understands. She wonders for a moment if she’s disturbed him; if he wanted to be left alone. She didn’t have anyone else in the orphanage she could open up to, not anyone from the 104th to keep her company. All the people who surrounded her were MPs who couldn’t care less about what she feels; only really there to guard the role she was playing. But once in a while it was nice to have someone who listened and understood, and she couldn’t be more thankful of Levi at this moment. She didn’t mind his lack of his responses. She was just glad he was there to know.

She thinks back to the Survey Corps’ expedition to Shiganshina, the shouts of support from the citizens as they bid them farewell as the sun set down. She remembers the faces of her comrades before they left, the day she saluted them and prayed silently at the back of her mind to come home safe. When she found out only nine of them made it back, she wanted to scream. She might have not been there to see it, but they were still her people, comrades who once walked the halls of HQ with her. She remembers the look of emptiness they all had, especially Levi. She couldn’t even imagine what it felt like for him, the feeling of anguish hidden beneath his face.

“Was the Commander special to you too?” she asks him hesitantly.

Levi thinks back to the first time he met Erwin; the manic smile he saw when he was chasing him in the underground city. He remembers his resolve to follow Erwin to his death, the times they were together when there were no missions. He remembers his last words and the pain he felt when he had to let him go. And he remembers Erwin’s face when he thanked him, remembers setting down his coffin in the funeral after Shiganshina.

“He was.” he answered, his voice barely audible.

Historia looked at him then, and for the first time she saw sadness in him. Levi may have been hiding it, but she could see it in his eyes, even if he wasn’t looking at her. She wonders how used to he’s been hiding his emotions all these years, how different he was to the stoic, unemotional captain they were all used to.

“Was it something more?” she asks.

“Perhaps.” he said.

She didn’t need to know what he meant by that. It was enough that he had said it, the way she knew he understood what she feels about Ymir.

“If Ymir was still here, I probably would never let her go again. I still talk to her at night while looking at the stars. It might sound silly but it gives me a sense of closure to her; that somehow I know she could be listening. I only have her letter to go on now.”

It didn’t sound silly to Levi. In fact, it was exactly what he did when he couldn’t sleep at night. He’d look at the night sky and pretend he’d be talking to Erwin. He’d talk about how the brats were doing, how clingy Eren and Mikasa were to Armin these days. He’d talk about that shitty brat Floch and how Hange was handling everything. He never forgets about his promise. It’s the only thing he has to go on now.

“Do you regret it?” Historia asks him.

“I couldn’t have known it would happen. I never would have. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that, but right now, I don’t.” Levi replied.

“What about you?” he asks her.

“What?”

“Do you regret it? Not coming with Ymir back then?”

“It was her decision to leave. I’m sure she wouldn’t have let me come with her. She always tried to put me out of danger,” Historia spoke. “Sometimes I think of what my life would be like if I came with her, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be as peaceful if we were with the enemy. I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that either.”

“Is that so…”

“But Ymir understood me more than anyone. She joined the military just to find me and accepted me for who I was when I couldn’t. When she left me, I felt so empty and now she’s…” Historia’s voice cracked as she fought to catch her breath.

Levi moved away from the fence to face her but didn’t touch her, doubting if she would want to be. But Historia took this as an invitation and hid her face against his chest, her fists clenching against his shirt.

As the first sob left her lips, she finally spoke. “I miss her so much. There isn’t a day when I don’t think about her. I wish we had more time before she left. I wish she just stayed. I wish things were different, maybe then we could have…” she trailed off as sobs wracked her body, the sound of her cries filling the now silent wind over the field. Levi wrapped one arm around her while his other hand cradled the back of her head, feeling for her as she cried. 

“What do you do, Captain? When you feel like this?” Historia sobbed, her tears staining his shirt.

As the last rays of the sun dipped in the horizon, Levi’s thoughts strayed. He couldn’t tell her he felt like shit afterwards, that the pain never really goes away. He couldn’t tell her he still dreams of Erwin and wakes up with his chest hurting. He couldn’t tell her that the number of days will never cover up for the pain of losing someone. He couldn’t tell her it cut so deep and that the only way he can distract himself was to fight.

He thinks of a phrase–or rather a word–that he’s heard of so many times before. It’s a word spoken in such varying emotions, in different sentiments. He’s heard Hange say it to Mikasa the day he injected the serum into Armin. He’s heard it in war cries, in funerals, a whisper at the back of his mind when he’s hurting. It’s like a mantra to him now, a motto, a word that keeps him going on.

In this moment though, he’s offering this word as a sort of comfort, the best that he can do. He’s never been good at words, choosing to let his actions speak for him. Yet he wishes he could do more to ease the pain of the girl before him, to try and take it away, even if it’s just for a while, even if it’s only temporary.

Instead he takes a deep breath, and grips her the way she does to him. He wills his words to give her relief, and answers her the only way he knows how.

“You move forward.”

**Author's Note:**

> I write fics once in a blue moon, and I worked on this fic for months and I'm super proud to have finished it. This week's episode definitely gave me that last push I needed to finish it. Damn that episode hurt so much.  
> Levi and Historia is actually one of my favorite ships, but for this one I wanted to showcase their potential bond more than having any actual romance. I totally brotp them as well. They just have so many similarities yet they're so different and it's all so interesting.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading! Leave a kudos if you liked it ;)


End file.
